I think it’s important to prepare for the time when taxes go down and we finally get the government off our backs. In preparation, I’m creating my own FDA, because a bunch of bureaucrats shouldn’t be in charge of regulating my food and drugs.
If you want, you can subscribe. Not sure how I’ll run the subscription service – probably, you’ll just have to eat the exact same stuff I eat, and you’ll pay me a commission. The free market will determine the rate: no governmental price-fixing here. I’ll have tasters, just like the kings of England and France in the good old days. Real people, not faceless overpaid government workers, will either survive or fail to survive as they sample my meal to insure that it is fresh and not poisonous. The free market will determine their wages, and there will be no worry about unions (the membership of any potential Tasters’ Union would be constantly subject to attrition, so we will never have to worry about them trying to tell us whom to vote for).
As far as drug testing goes, I had originally thought it might be best to team up with a bunch of friends, kind of figure out together which drugs might be safe and which wouldn’t, but then I remembered that that would be Communism, so onto Plan B: I’m just going to trust all the drug companies. After all, why would they put out drugs that didn’t do what they said they would do? That would be bad for business, and only a moron would think that a company would act against its own interests. Anyway, right now the pharmaceutical companies are getting killed by all the heavy government regulation, and with that gone, they’ll be in a position to make much better drugs. All the extra profit from that will result in their hiring lots of extra workers to make those drugs, so the economy will perk right up. Then we can buy more safe drugs, and we’ll have finally broken the cycle of defeatism as we are wrapped in the embrace of the invisible hand of the free market.
You can see that there are easy solutions to the so-called “problems” of deregulation. Stay tuned for future blog posts investigating how I will be managing my life in the near future:
1. My own FAA (hint: why would airlines fly unsafe planes? BAD FOR BUSINESS!)
2. My own highway system (hint: I’ll be selling an EZ-Pass type device so that you can pay tolls on my highways quickly and easily)
3. My own Congress (hint: why pay government workers to run the country? I’ll be supplying guaranteed private workers to do the work far more efficiently)
4. My own army (hint: I’m considering the name The Grabois Boys for our battalion, and we are DEFINITELY ready to fight for you, provided we can negotiate a contract on the open market)
5. My own IRS (just kidding! Nobody is going to be paying any taxes)